5/19/2025: Touhou

Today I mostly played Touhou 8... I finally got to Kaguya; I was surprised when I saw her! I didn't realize she showed as the final boss instead of Eirin if you used no continues! I just assumed she'd be a special stage along with Mokou i dont know why XD

Touhou 8 is mah favorite game, but I have also been playing a lot of Phantasmagoria of Flower View lately on hard and want to remake my Touhou log so I can have separated logs for differnt games and make some buttons too show the difficulty I am playing on...

Touhou page to be revamped soon!

5/7/2025: Sex Repulsion

  Warning: Mentions of rape  

I am saddened by the fact that I am unable to relate to anyone else when it comes to my views on sexuality, sex, and gender-related ideologies. It's very disappointing going everywhere and not being able to escape the topic of sex.

I wonder a lot how romantic or sexual relationships between males and females even come naturally to other women at all when their structure is so fundamentally cruel against themselves.

There is just a fundamental and inescapable dynamic of female submission in all heterosexual sex or relationships. It revolves around the female surrendering herself to male pleasure, and nothing will change my mind about this. It's just inherently a humiliating act to allow yourself sexually to a male.

Because males are rape animals who have no perception of your personhood and use you as a sex toy or domestic slave.

I think I'd feel the way I do regardless of my own experiences with male violence and rape, but it definitely contributes to my feelings of disgust towards sex, males, and disgust within myself. I'm just really angry about how the world works, with myself, and my body in way I can't explain well to other people without them thinking I'm crazy or smthin.

5/6/2025: Web Development & Cybersecurity

Since I graduate soon, I’ve been thinking about what I’m going to do in the future. I’ve been thinking about getting into cybersecurity. I know cybersecurity is a pretty big trend right now but it is something I am actually interested in. I don't think I just need a few certificates in order to land a job. It’s sad to see the dishonesty in this field for beginners. Too many people try to give off the impression that it’s a quick 6 figure job, and that it isn’t a technical field, when it very much is. I hate all the cyberslop online, most of everything I see is just unhelpful and misleading.

My favorite cybersecurity chanell is Crin (or based tutorials) ... He makes really interesting content, good roadmaps, I feel like I (somewhat) understand things by looking up and digging deeper into what he talks about in the videos. I also like Tech with Jono who I also discovered through Crins chanell.. I watched all his videos for cybersecurity beginners and his day in a life video and they are very helpful. I'm just kinda dipping in and taking in what I actually find cool and just learning and writing about it to see what I like.

Unrelated but right now I'd really love to learn PHP basics and SQL for a personal project with my web devlopment interest and buy a server in a few months when I have money... I'd like to get a computer science degree as well since I'm going to college soon. Sounds like hell though from people I know.

Money wise I should be able to make like 200$ monthly I think watching my siblings once I'm 18 in July too from the government. I have to work that out still but I'm pretty excited for that. If that offer is off the table though maybe I'd work some wagie job or something soon.

So far, I think I'll buy an external SSD, a sever for a website, cute clothes, my own packs of cigs, energy drinks, and lots of gifts for my freinds... Matching cosplays would be cool, or good papers for note writing... Ingredients for cakes and baked sweets... I have a lot in mind.

5/5/2025: My Desktop

My linux desktop! IT'S NOTHING SPECIAL because I'm still a newbie to Linux, but I have my Windows XP theme, Ukagaka, and background.

I also finally stopped being retarded and figured out how to use Wine and Lutris too, so I have some Touhou games, and I'm installing Steam right now so I can play No More Heroes too. I MISS NO MORE HEROES.

I'm trying to find Touhou Ukagaka, but sadly the ones I tried don't work I'm not sure why...

I use Linux Mint as my distro because it's what's easiest for beginners. I'm trying to learn about different Linux distros, but so far I only actually have read about Ubuntu-based ones so I don't really know much tbh. Most of all Linux distros are just ubuntu and debian with differnt desktop envoriments i've bene told LOL

5/4/2025: Graduation Part #1

I graduate high school in just 32 days from now if I stay on track!

Because of that, I’ve been thinking a lot about mah high school life and the good memories I’ve had. But the thing is... I actually can’t look back fondly on many things. I’ve always been the type to hate school clubs, activities, and dances, so I never did any of that stuff everyone kept saying was so important. And I lost a lot of the friends I used to have which... I’m honestly not as sad about as I thought I’d be?

So... what did I like about high school? An amazing memory... This one is something I REALLY cherish and is even in mah blog... When before my Junior finals my best friend Syd smoked a cigarette with me and drank her white Monster energy drink together while talking.. Then for mah finals in the next class I had no work so I got to just relax on the computers and enjoy the taste of tha monster and the buzz from the cigarette for the first time that I had never felt before.

Then, I had got summer school junior year ... I got Ds and Cs all through high school primarily but still got summer school every year consistently from some Fs so yah I am not the best student tbh lel. Because of my bad grades, I was put on Adderall for a while during school but I just stopped taking it only made me feel bad. So every day in summer school was a peaceful day where I'd spend time alone on laptops unmonitored. I'd slack off like normal and just do whatever.

So, why did I like summer school so much when I was alone always? It was when I first discovered some of my favorite forums and imageboards was in summer school and I'd spend the whole time drinking energy drinks, reading things, and listening to Goreshit in my headphones. I would also love to bring my 3DS with me to summer school and I modded it to play Toromi Hearts 2 on tha home screen soo I have a very nice memory of going into an empty bathroom (since the school had much less ppl during summer school) and listening to tha song echo. No one ever got mad at me for playing on my 3DS all summer school except ONCE when a teacher told me to "put my PS4 away" I would always be the LAST person to get out of summer school which I always did on purpose because it was so happy for me.. My freshman year of summer school was also soo nice because is when I first learned HTML/CSS!

I also look back on my constant skipping class happily even tho it probably wasn't good for my grades LOL I always luv to skip class, walk 20 minutes to the store, and buy a chocolate donut and an energy drink... Tha chocolate donuts at tha nearby gas station is so guud... I also luv to skip to hang out with my friend, listen to breakcore in the car, and go out to eat..

I tried on my graduation cap and gown and honestly... It looks really stupid LOL. They ALL look really dumb and the entire thing with graduation ceremonies is pretty stupid in the first place. I always wish I could skip these sorts of things. But Syd will be there SO I will at least try to make the most of it since I love her.

I applied to a community college. I'm very scared honestly because I have no idea what I'm doing... But I have been thinking about long-term what field I'd wanna go into and I LOVEE CYBERSECURITY SM and web development but my first pick would be cybersecurity.

I will probably talk about dat more later but for now I just so excited but also very sad to graduate soon ..